Un-Adoptically Me

From the opening page, Elmarie’s storytelling literally opened my heart. Then came the heartache. The anger. The laughter. The joy. The divine. The tragic. The rebirth. I was on a visceral journey through someone else’s life that somehow felt like my own. I read it in one sitting—and sat in stillness for days afterwards.

At times, I found myself asking, “Can so much happen to one human being in a single lifetime?” And with every page, my own visceral memories of shock came flooding back.

Her raw, unfiltered voice reminded me—first painfully, then gratefully—why I became a Life/Trauma Coach and Family Constellator. Her story mirrored my own buried grief: the day I learned I had a half-brother given up for adoption. A family secret that shaped decades of searching and ultimately—through Family Constellations—led to a miraculous reunion 7 years later.

Elmarie, your book—with its many relatable triggers—helped me heal.

Thank you for baring your soul, for trusting us with your truth. We are all interconnected—and this memoir is a bridge.

Your voice isn’t just yours anymore—it belongs to all of us now.

Keep speaking.

Elmarie Arnold’s story is a remarkable one and the way she tells it is an expression of her passionate need to understand its meaning and speak her truth. Although born at a time when adoption records were still sealed, her parents had always spoken openly about her adoption. When she threw a tantrum as a five-year-old and told her parents she wanted to go to her “real mother”, her adoptive mother astutely called her bluff and suggested they immediately pack a suitcase.

A few years later, her mother allowed her to see her original birth certificate with the name she’d been given by her birth mother. She kept it a secret because she believed it would be sinful to talk about it. It was only after becoming a mother for the second time that she felt the need to find out more about her ancestry and contacted the adoption agency. They had scant information about her birth mother and the way they communicated both disappointed her and was a deterrent to pursuing the matter.

Elmarie takes the reader on a journey through two tempestuous and toxic marriages. It’s a story of a woman trying to be everything to everybody – a mother and a provider – and struggling to make sense of her life. She embraces spirituality, self-exploration through creative writing and various forms of therapy, including Family Constellations role-playing in which she investigated and gained a profounder understanding of how being adopted had determined her life choices – mostly the bad romantic ones she’d made.

Elmarie’s journey, which does – spoiler alert – include contacting her biological family, is an emotional rollercoaster ride. She often abandons a chronological narrative and draws the reader into an impressionistic and, sometimes, kaleidoscopic, inner world as she struggles to come to terms with the paradoxes in her life.

Her narrative is honest, heartfelt and healing – “healing” being the operative word. Had she not been able to work through her adoption issues and find healing, she’d have been unable to recognise what would make her happy. Un-Adoptically Me may not be a fairytale with a happy ending, but it’s a story of how a courageous individual triumphs over adversity and finds the happiness she deserves.

I’ve wrestled with the primal wound—until I saw the deeper truth: a primal paradox.

Relinquishment wounds us, yes, but at our core, we are unwoundable. That truth changed everything for me.

Many adoptees think I’m crazy for believing it—Elmarie doesn’t. She sees what I see.

And that’s why Un-Adoptically Me is so powerful. Through raw honesty and profound insight, she invites you beyond pain, beyond limitation, into something freer. Truer.

Spend time with her words—you won’t see yourself the same way again.

Some books don’t just tell a story—they demand to be felt. Un-Adoptically Me – My Story. My Truth. My Voice by Elmarie Arnold is one of those rare books that shakes you to your core, breaks your heart wide open, and leaves you forever changed.

It is raw. It is intense. It is devastatingly honest. At first, I found it unbearably sorrowful—until I witnessed how, like a Phoenix, Elmarie rose from the ashes of her pain, reborn, unbreakable.

As her friend, I thought I understood her journey. She had shared pieces of her past with me, but I never truly grasped the depth of her struggle. I believed—naïvely—that because she was loved and cherished, adoption could not have left such deep scars. I thought she was making a mountain out of a molehill. I was wrong.

Then I read these words:

“Adoption, touted as a gift, arrives wrapped in thorns that shred the adoptee’s heart.”

And suddenly, I saw.

I saw the unseen wounds, the silent battles, the lifelong search for self, truth, and belonging.

There were moments when I had to put the book down, unable to continue through the flood of emotion. The chapters about Georick wrecked me—I had to step away, cry, return, and cry again. And yet, through all the heartbreak, one golden thread remained: Keith. A reminder that love, in its purest form, is a lifeline.

This book forced me to confront my own misconceptions, my own blindness to a pain I had never lived. And so today, I say to Elmarie: I see you. I honor your truth. And I ask your forgiveness for not seeing sooner.

Un-Adoptically Me is not just a memoir—it is a revelation. A reckoning. A soul laid bare. Elmarie Arnold does not simply tell her story; she lives it on the page—and in doing so, she invites us to understand, to feel, and to grow.

If you read only one memoir this year, make it this one.

Elmarie was one of my best friends in high school. And so I knew that she was adopted and that she was an avid writer, even then, with a keen sense of observation and reflection of her own feelings and experiences, as well as what played out around her. I was however, not prepared for the level of raw emotions, feelings and deep inner awakenings that was masterfully and poetically described in this memoir. It stands as a testament of her honest portrayal of her own vulnerability, her own struggles to come to terms with her reality, conscious and subconscious, and revealing her strength of character to overcome all the difficulties that brought her to the place of peace that surmounts all understanding. You have my deepest respect, Elmarie and I thank you that you were willing to share your story as a beacon of hope for all adoptees, but also for those that had to be reminded of the unrelenting strength of the human spirit when we align with our Divine path and purpose.